Death becomes us

Originally posted last night- which catches us up

So i was sitting watching October Road, which by the way is a pretty remarkable show, and a theme came to my mind. See tonights show was about death and how someone from ones past, far past ends up passing away. Of course from the passing comes memories that up until this point have completely evaded our day to day lives. Watching tonight though, many thoughts came flashing in front of my eyes. What if this was me? Not the dying but the living, who knows that one person who passed. That one person who left an unforgettable bookmark in the chapter of my life? I thumbed through my memory roladex and seem to find myself short on memories. Yet the more I watched the more unknown memories came flooding in to evoke some sort of chain reaction of heart throbbing feelings. I came from a small town where it seemed everyone knew everyone. Not unlike that of October Road. I grew up on a dead end street and had a baseball field in my back yeard. I had many friends who I adored and played tag and other crazy games. Older now I seem to find myself remember the negative side of my personality and how I might have treated certain people. Hell, plain and simple, I had a sharp tongue and never really recognized the full potential of what my words could actually do to people. To that I give a heartfilled apology now. Yes, late indeed but never to late.
I swapped roles in my head toward the show. What if I was the one who passes? What would people say if they came across that frontline news plastered on the small local paper? Even knowing that I seem to find myself trying to figure out how I can go forward. I think there was a pinnacle point in college that I relaized that I needed to change who I was. No longer a punk kid who can shoot his mouth off, I needed to be a softer, kinder person. A hugger vs. a hand shaker because how people percieve me is important and should be important to most people.Was it the christmas carol in July when I realized this? Was i visited by the three spirits that once changed one man's life so dramatically? Maybe it was, who am I to say. Regardless I changed and never looked back. I laugh more, I listen more, I all around live more and thats what i think anyone reading this should understand. Life is short. Everyone has an understanding that life ends but what most people do not expect is that life can end at any moment. How do you care to be percieved? How do you want to be looked at? So take a good hard look at yourself. Ask yourself if you are who you want to be. If you find yourself shaking your head no, then make that change. It won't be easy nor will it happen over night, but it will lighten your life, and for that matter, anyones life who is connected to you.